Sunday, May 2, 2010

Shitface McFuckenstein and The Reach Around Boys

Last night I went out to Memories Bar on Montrose and Cicero in Chicago to film my friend John's band Vicious Attack. Whenever they play shows they often play with some really terrible bands, but last night they played with a band who were quite possibly THE WORST band I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of shitty live music in my time. The name above isn't really their name haha, I just made that one up when I was stoned last night. They're really called "Seven Year Existence" (I hope that's not a reference to how long they've been a band) and are from Champaign, IL. Their sound is an indistinguishable hodgepodge of generic thrash, and death metal....and the band uses every horrible metal cliche I can think of (Confederate Flags, Synchronized Head Banging, Liberal usage of "Metal Horns" etc.). Their songs are all 5 plus minutes in length too which further proves my theory that the worst bands usually play the longest. All night I was looking for an unintentionally funny band to film, I knew I had the one when they unveiled their Confederate Flag "7 Year Existence" logo on the kick drum. The video is basically 10 minutes of them sucking and me and my friend John making fun of them, we couldn't stop laughing the whole way through. The vocalist kept doing these weird power stance headbangs and his face was like, vibrating and shit. He looks like he takes his band really seriously. After the show, I could picture him going back home to the Trailor Park in Champaign and shooting heroin into his cock while watching Headbangers Ball.

Some highlights from the set:

:35 (During their long ass soundcheck)
"Who the fuck do they think they are, Led Zeppelin?"
-"Yea...right? Fuckin' John Bonham up there"

:48 "We're Seven Year Existence from Chaimpaign, IL, Let's get some fuckin' people up goddamn front, I wanna see a circle pit up in this bitch!" Then they kick into their first song and they all start headbanging really hard in unision....I fucking lost it and started laughing my ass off.

:1:18 "This is the best thing that could ever happen! LOL"

:3:44 "Oh my god, they're having a sword-fight!"

:4:05-:4:10 Vocalist does this thing where his face looks like it's vibrating while he's singing.

:4:47 More Hilarious Head Banging

:6:00 "Let me see your fuckin' horns in the air" I throw up the horns in front of the camera and Captain Redbeard throws em back right into the camera. I'm pretty sure they thought we were really into it.

:7:07 Another Swordfight

:9:20 Hilarious Breakdown with quite possibly the most annoying guitar riff ever written. Seriously the most annoying nails on a chalkboard shit ever. Fuck this band sucks.

Catch them at a shithole near you. Don't forget to bring your metal horns.

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