The funniest things you've either said, or overheard during a fistfight?

I asked some of my friends and acquaintances this question. Here are the answers I got:


Ryan Wilson (Vocalist of Thought Crusade, ex-Expired Youth/Plan of Attack):

The funniest thing i have ever heard during a fight...."hey let go of my hair". Response: "it's a fight pussy"."

Shane (Guitarist of The Killer/Chicago Show Promoter)

"I have 2 off the top of my head, both involve Remis.

1 is Remis and myself at one of the Madison hardcore fests, probably about 7 years ago by now, as we were nearing meltdown stage with a local ruffian. He called us gay and we continued to chase him out of the venue telling him that we were indeed gay, and instead of fighting him we were going to fuck him. He had terror in his eyes at the thought of being attacked by 2 human bears in a sexual manner.

Number 2 is about 3 years ago at this fest in Iowa or Central IL I can't exactly remember....these 2 local Godsmack aficionados were about to rough each other up outside the club when Remis pops out of our van and jumps in between them playing the Spanish bullfight thing on the acoustic guitar. The two rockers did not know what to say."

Bill Smiles (Tattoo Artist at Family Tattoo in Chicago, ex-Plan of Attack)


"When i was in insult to injury, after practice one night, we went to a halloween house party in dekalb. my friend dave just got out of jail or something so he was trying to be super mellow... but this huge guy dressed like Walter Sobchak from big lebowski was trying to start shit with him. he kept putting his toy gun in dave's face. dave tried to push it out of his face and it broke and the guy got pissed and went for dave. this guy was like 6' 8" and dave didn't want to fight him... partly because he was so huge and partly because he was trying to stay out of trouble. so everyone tried to mellow this big dude out and he just snapped and threw all of us out of the way. but for some reason, tony was standing right there and just hit him square in the face and knocked him out with one punch. knowing that he was there with about 30 of his friends, i said "we gotta get out of here, i think tony just killed that guy." and we bolted. "

Anton (Underestimated Records/ex-Get it Away/Cool Dude):

"I once offered a guy a mint chip ice cream when he was threatening me.

That was pretty funny.

I also once threw tofu at a guy and told him to calm down in a restaurant. "

Frank (BullDogVintage.com)

"He's only 15! He's only 15!" - yelled by Tony Brummel as I was being beaten up by a bouncer at Medusa's during Agnostic Front."

Pearse McGrath (Bassist of The Rival Mob)

My favorite that I can think of off the top of my head is when a dude was pointing a gun at me on a rooftop in Brooklyn. His friend had a pipe and they had a dog with them. In the midst of this, my friend Jarrod walks over and starts petting the dog and saying "Guys, I'm in seminary school trying to become a priest, let's not do this" and it was way too hard to not start laughing. The other dudes are pissed because we are all just giggling like idiots. He then sneaks behind on them and grabs the pipe and the guy is like "whoa! let's talk this out man!" and he's like "Oh now you want to talk??" After everything calms down, my friend Jimmy is like "Yo, what are you guys up to tonight? You partying?" and their like "Nah, we gotta get to sleep."

Another quick one that sticks out is a fight I wasn't at but love hearing about. There was a show at some college and eventually there is a stand-off between the hardcore dudes and the local college kids. One of the college kids is like "Hey guys, violence isn't the solution" and DFJ (BHC man about town) just responds with the classic - "Violence is the only solution." And shit hits the fan and a huge brawl breaks out."

Me?

"Call Policia! Call Policia!"

"He hit me for no reason!"

I remember this one time when I was hanging out in Wicker Park. We were drinking on the street, running around being obnoxious punk rock kids. An old friend picked up a dead squirrel with a stick and threw it at some yuppie lady, it landed right in the fold of her hat and she started freaking out. I know I know we did some evil shit back then. This other yuppie guy walks out of flash taco with his food, sees the commotion and pulls out his cell phone and starts to call the police. My one friend "Bob" grabbed the phone out of his hand, my other friend Wurkel (We called him Wurkel because he looked/acted like a white urkel) grabs his burrito, opens it up and starts eating it in front of him haha. Dude just trudges away with a nasty grimace on his face, looking salty as hell.